My best friend's mother had passed away. My heart is breaking. 2019 has been a year of firsts without them and Im not ready for Christmas this year or the 1st anniversary of my sisters death. I might not cry several times a day like before, there is just a constant state of sadness & loss, wanting & longing to share what we had together as loving soul mates. I lost my French wife nearly the same condition. Im coming up on 2 years in April. I have noticed such an immense change in my body (so thin) and just overall mental behaviour (loner, no energy for anything or anyone). It was a very shocking and unexpected episode. I just felt he was near. My third recommendation is a book titled Overcomer by Dr. David Jeremiah. Why is God so cruel? You feel I was thirteen, now I'm fourteen. No matter how my day is going, Im constantly knocked off guard with just one person, me, doing things that we used to do and not two. My life really feels over. I have less control in things than I thought I did. Really! How I just want 5 minutes with him to tell him he was the kindest most gentlest man I ever knew. I lost my son 19 months ago and I dont believe I will ever get on with my life. Im happy that I was able to be there to take care of her (I cant imagine losing someone suddenly, for example I was fortunate to have the chance to care for my mom and show her love when she was most vulnerable), but the intensity of it all made it a life-changing experience. I have a 22 yr old daughter who lives with me and a 24 yr old son who lives with friends . Lean on the lord. I cook dinners, I help with homework, I give hugs. But I get no answers God doesnt tell me why just to trust Him. Ill never forget how were so proud of me being the first one in our family to graduate in a tough University as a Magna Cum Laude and as I made it thru my young years into adulthood it became apparent that sisters/siblings represent the past present and future. We cannot expect them to put on a show. The mom I used to know whom I went out to malls, consignment shops, coffee shops, was long, long gone for about a decade. On those days I have to get up. Find those who will support you and those who do understand or have a great sense of empathy. I found pieces of the car the grill, a side mirror, the license plate, etc. I thought or believed that the following year it would have been easier, but I was wrong. The second wedding anniversary without a spouse. She is keeping me going. Please know that I am entering my 7th year of the loss of my spouse. He battled stage 4 lung cancer (also never smoked) for 7 1/2 years. The coworker who was back to work smiling only a few days after her Dad died? very low bounce rate He was only 53 when he passed. My Father refused to talk about my Mum, I got out at age 17 & came to live in the UK. All the years of Surgery,radiation and Chemo. I am so overcome with sadness. It isnt any easier if it happens early or later than anticipated. I can't believe that it's been almost four months since my baby Beemo passed away. Im so incredibly sad all day, everyday. Unfortunately I dont have a circle of friends and people I meet seem to think that Im fine as I wear that face which says Im getting on with things ok. its been 18 months since i lost my mum. I miss him dearly, I am asking same question as you . He recovered well, but took his life in January 2018. I hope you are living well in the world of the creator. Cant find any purpose for my life. Not sure what God has in mind for me yet, so I just wait and wait. Its been very hard the first year it was like living in a blur I manage but it was hard. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. Missing you always.". I lost my husband 12/16/2016. I wish there was a bigger word than love that could describe how I felt for her. I lost my husband if thirty years of This can be especially true for a sudden loss, but can surprise people when they are in shock even after a loved one has died following a long and drawn out illness. All my siblings have their own families and Im just alone and only wish is to just see them both well again in each other arms to give them a big hug x, I too have just entered the 2nd year after losing my beloved husband of almost 30 years. is worse the waves of gut wrenching The first year after her passing was very painful, yet it was what some people called the numbing year. Its been 6 months since my husband passed that horrible Sunday morning. I lost my husband of 43 years on June 2016, on our sons 24th birthday. But expectations are a big part of our mindset, even when were not in the stages of grief. I lost mom 14 months ago. Im currently in the process of dealing with all the emotions that come from grief. I have my cats but they are getting old too. I love him so. Thanking God for the time I had with my husband we were together 36 years but it seems harder now. Anyone else lost 2 sisters or siblings at young ages who can at least relate on why at almost 2 years post second loss I am experiencing deep depression and complete apathy sure I fake it and smile when one is cued because I dont know how to anymore. Nothing, and I mean nothing could have prepared me for the grief-slog of these past 14 months. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. Robert, I totally sympathize with the unresolved grief. And worked she was sick of hospitals. The dr gave be sleeping tabs to get my body /mind back i to sleepmode . The lord has a better plan for me. There were many ups and downs with surgeries and chemo, but she lived for everyday with our children. You know ever since he passed away. I was compelled to write this because I have no where or no one to talk to about this emptiness that I fear that nothing will ever fill this emptiness because I have lost the past present and future. I still cry for him. Many people have said to me (and they still do), you have your kids and she is in them I owe him everything and I decided that Ill be living a life dedicated to love in memory of him. The first year was mostly like a in shock, autopilot, anxiety driven adrenaline survival mode. It has been 18 years since I lost my husband, and I will tell you, it does get easier. My heart goes out to all of you. The medications are harsh but necessary. There is a scripture in the Bible says a time for everything. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. Remember That You Are Not Alone in Your Grief. Everything seems meaningless. Why did he have to be taken away from me? Dating isnt an option because in my heart I am still married. I saw a counsellor after that which helped- I was numb after that. But what works for any of us is up to us, ourselves. Ann Marie it gets better slowly. I dont have no desire to date. But lately I find myself overwhelmed with sadness as weeping. I often wonder why this all happened and why so close together, I needed my husband Pat to help me grieve for Cody. Its been little over seven months. I have one regret that has sickened me this whole year, I wish with everything inside of me that I would have not let them give him the methadone and morphine but the choice was comfortable or in pain I chose comfortable not realizing that meant when they got the pain under control I nor my kids and grand-kids would never hear his voice again. He was my life. Small cel lung cancer she had half lung one 3/4 lung left married 33 yrs happy married. Especially when retirement is in the near future. Somehow, I feel I must leave in order to build a new life while at the same time I am afraid to leave the remnants of our life shared. Finding it hard to move one still. Even though my brother was in the military for twenty four years and had been gone most of the time from the family. Dont worry, I would not hurt my son or my kitties by hurting myself. Nothing. To survive is just being alive- I am not living. Time helps but its not a healer it helps you learn how to deal with your loss and acceptance helps a lot. I hurt in my heart so deep I cant breathe. l started walking with a group of people who have lost there partners over the last few years and its helped all of us to talk about our partners ,we go out to movies and shows as a group of 22 men and women in our 60 to 80s.All say the second year is the hardest,whats good about our a couple have hooked up and going strong by just being with someone . We never thought this type of loss could happen to us. I feel like I am broken and never will be fixed. Well, he became my rock. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. I saw your post. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can push myself to get past this hurdle. Ive been through Mothers Day, her birthday, funeral, favorite holiday 4th of July, and a her wedding anniversary, which would have been 11 years. She stopped walking 3 months ago as her brain deterioratedkept alive with a PEG feeding tube. I would truly love to hear what others have done (remained or moved) and how they reflect on their choice. I thought that after two years it wouldnt be so hard. Am I alone feeling like this? We were short 5 people for holiday dinner in one year. I guess I will have to find a way to go forward, but I still miss him so much. The message she left for me was, to take it day by day. I dont want it to be something that just passes. Hi I lost my husband 15 months ago and Im so lost and empty inside I keep thinking maybe hes not really dead and is just taking time out on his way home from work he had a cardiac arrest we have 5 kids 3 older and two under 12 we were together for 25 years he was also my best friend we went through so much together I have a mental illness and from the good and bad times he was the I had a court case 11 months after he died he never got to see the outcome and after been together for so long 3 years ago with him by my side I decided to do it I wish he could have been there free dealing with things and been my my side I feel so guilty that at the time he needed me most I wasnt there for him also he was never sick I miss him so so much my heart and my body physically hurt . He was 70 years old. For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. Lend a supportive ear to others. I immediately looked away . The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard, I know exactly what u mean theres that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place Ill never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone Im still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I dont believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps. I had to sell my house I could not afford it so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. The other daughter from another marriage and she gave us three beautiful grandchildren Tyler 16 Dominic is turning in today and beautiful Savannah who just turned 3 every time I spend time with those children and I see, I too, lost my beloved husband two years ago. Hearing your story makes me not feel alone. I dont do holidays with my kids or anyone: I cant. How can we possibly ever recover. He was 74, had some health conditions, though not that serious & was relatively able, fit & healthy. It would be rather strange if you did and I think that is so true. And waiting for u. Youll be ok. Keep watching the clouds. Hos short life was a blessing to those who knew him! Village so he could relax and we would enjoy our golden years, but I am thankful I had as many years as I did with him as my best friend. And nothing helps, no praying no counseling the kids are far. To fast forward I have met a wonderful person. He, too had lung cancer and kidney failure and his death was sudden. I just want to be happy again here in Wichita ks. i found myself googling for months trying to understand the event how it happened and could i have avoided it. Pam and Holly- Yes exactly we simply and sadly exist. My father died in 2018, and I still grieve as if it just happened. I wish I had that one more everyday. We had an age gap of 14 years and he was like a father to me. I am now in month 14 and the feeling that I mentioned earlier, that in some way my purpose in life was to grieve, has begun to abate. Lewis, 23 years old at the time, was the youngest "Big Six" leader to address the thousands-strong demonstration. But that sadness seems like my last connection, and I dont want to lose that. Missing you since you went to Heaven - Pinterest It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. I still shed a tear for her and look forward to the day I see her again in heaven. Peace be with you! it feels like there is no end. One Year Death Anniversary. Suddenly my husband developed a cough and a month later he was dead of lung cancer. Christmas, new year and my birthday went and she was still in coma. I will be praying for both of us. He listens. Most shy away from me because??