I am worried for more than a few reasons: one being that what kind of woman will fly to the US after meeting someone online less than 3 months ago? Last year I suggested that he started dating. My advice to anyone going through something like this is to not alienate yourself from your parent by shaming them or speaking ill of the person they are seeing. My point is that these experiences kept me going, and the memories you create will remain in your heart forever. I mean really? I cant sit back and watch. . Brother will also owe the estate or trust, the PRs reasonable attorneys fees. His girlfriend had the nerve to come without him, then pull me aside when she was there just to tell me that she wasnt trying to replace my mom and we should honor her at all occasions. My dad told me after that he didnt want to hurt her feelings or for me to seem so mean and selfish so he told her to do it, not caring or considering how it would upset me as Im about to walk down the aisle on my wedding day. My mother passed away 10 years ago when I was six months pregnant with my first daughter. He left immediatly after we ate. This was a 6.5 year period yikes. We have told him that they are not ready for this. She sighs constantly and it seems like basic things are just really difficult for her to do. She has no children, she is an only child, and she does not really care about anything but herself, hence the term Marsha, Marsha, Marsha (The Brady bunch in 70s) .My Dad forgot my Brothers and my birthday, which is only and few days apart. We were very knowledgable about each others lives. We're looking forward to. I know from experience that it can get very, very, very frustrating. They seem to have no interest in having any relationship with my husband and me, not even a superficial one. Well, I met her and my attitude has changed. A few months later, my first relationship ended and I was very sick for three months with Mono. Any suggestions? I would go during the day and he would come around 4 to relieve me. So many of you have stories that resound with what is going on in my life right now. I told her wed probably be gone by then and for 1000 a month Id rather pay into my own living space not just a small room.. but she stated I should want to stay and help my mom. Im so pleased I found this site as I thought I was alone in what Im feeling! Take care of yourself first. Forcing a new person on a family who are still going through that process with scant regard for their emotional state is not a thing that should be embarked on lightly. Not only did he lose his mother but his stepdad was living it up laughing and smiling as if hed won the lottery. He kept things secretive and kept things peppy and happy to keep me from thinking she was hurting or worried. People constantly comment about how incredible they really are. When my own father passed away in July 2018, after a seven year battle with multiple myeloma, a cancer of plasma cells, it shifted my notion of grief. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. My parents were married for 29 years, and I am the oldest in the family (28) of three children. I asked my dad if they were just friends and he said yes and then he pinky promised on it. We were horrified, but decided to think of our children instead of ourselves, and we allowed it. I am torn. This relationship went off full steam ahead and had to tell us he was in a relationship on my mothers two month anniversary. He was not the only person to conclude thus. This is how involved she is with her family. It sounds like this woman has him as my uncle would phrase it whipped. What these lonely old men dont seem to realize is that there is more to the situation than just their wants and needs. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. One thing that has changed my perspective over the years is from whom is duty owed. I do know one thing though. If you care at all recognise that for the family it will be like losing two parents. And they honestly dont have to answer to anyone but the man upstairs. However, our reality is that we are still grieving the woman who was mom, sister, aunt, grandmother. My sister and I will apparently receive an e-mail from him before the end of the year advising us of something. There is nothing as strong and pure as a mothers love for her children so take that thought and live the kind of life in your moms name that would reflect that truth. She and my dad were married for over 54 years and had the picture of a beautiful, loving marriage, one that any couple would aspire to have. I dont know if this situation will ever be reparable. Even if he broke up with this poor lady today, it will never take away the harm that it has already caused. I feel his intimate friend is a traitor to my mother and if I could ever accept her, I would be a traitor to my mother. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I cant say what it is that makes parents cast off their responsibilities towards those left behind but this website is a testament to the fact that they do. About 8 months or so ago, he informed me that he was going out-of-town to meet a woman he had meet on an online dating site who lived in a nearby town. I requested that she be called by her first name. He has been seeing this woman. We have to live it the best we can and not have any regrets later on. Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and opinions. I never expected my Dad to be alone after my Mom passed, but I sure didnt expect him to suddenly turn into Mr. Everyone needs someone, whether it is a best friend, a significant other or a sibling. My husbands stepfather has been in his life since he was five years old. Im not sure if it was curiosity or what but we agreed to meet them for dinner and a movie. He does not remember telling us the night of the wake we have our lives and I have mine live them. You can get A Nurse to visit the home 2-3 times a week and an Aide 3 times a week for bathing or bed baths. My moms hospice nurse Judi became friends with my dad shortly after my mom passed and he called it just friends. Only told 1 sibling..I found out by mistake totally devastated.she has been hiding it and has now come out once again without telling her children and 4 stepchildren.the total disregard for feelings, honesty and integrity has consumed me and destroyed our relationship = perhaps for good. I cannot imagine ever being in a situation where self-interest would lead me to watch my children who are now 22 and 18 go through the equivalent of an additional bereavement while I bask in the warm glow of new romance. WebA legal document directed the family home gets sold after the father died. Dad has apparently lost his frugal mentality, He bought a new car, treats his girlfriend as if she can walk on water and does for her, all the things my Mom always wished for. Your father has his grandchildren because he has you. Today is a gift of God. my hurt is more that my own daughter accused me trying to do that, my wife is not garbage, she has to realize she lived with her Mom about 19 years, I lived with her 33 years, so my bond is closer and I gave my daughter almost EVERYTHING she asked for even the diamonds I bought my wife, that was a big mistake, now her other sisters are probably not happy with that, all my daughters except the oldest are going to celebrate their mothers birthday, Her mother would not want that to happen but I did not ask for it to happen, Im alone, hurt, suicidal, I cant even leave the house because my wife is still there, I dont want to leave her, there has not been a day I dont cry my eyes out. Heres what Im not thrilled about: Ask her what paperwork/admin you can help her with. Since then, my father has been the family rock. Youve done nothing wrong - your mom is responsible for her own finances and you have every right to have your own space with your family. According to him, he had already grieved over her and had moved on. Who are all about my age. It went on for a bit. I have never spoken to her or met her. However, as big events come up in our lives, issues come up. It was so hard to get him out of the house in general :(. You can petition the court to be named executor. It also seems that he loves, respects, and wants your approval in the biggest way. It is all I can do to keep from having a blow-up with this woman. You bet. Less than three months after her death my stepfather started seeing this friend who he and my mother had known. Not only that, he was telling me all the details? Your story is the same as mine. It felt like he was choosing her over his family. My parents were married 60 years. I dont think weve made any headway with him. Though he was ready to enter into this relationship, the kids werent ready for it and its quick progression. To say I was shocked beyond words is an understatement. I am also so happy to have found this conversation. Wn we would try to bring it up to him it became Dont you want me to be happy? We live nine hours apart, and I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle with a counselor. My mother wasnt cold in the grave! My dad was already planning the future while my mom was living. Interesting then that my brother would come home the other night to find them cuddling on the couch at my dads house. Although I dont really believe that, but the appearance of it sickens me and I feel the gossip that will stir from this will dishonor my Mothers memory and I cant even bear to think of that. Since my father was near death almost 3 years ago, I feel my mother was and is jealous of the attention we gave my father. In the summer, I helped him clean out my moms clothes. Which BTW is quite a bit. There was a huge blow out after my wedding because my dad disrespected my wishes to not have his wife as part of my procession. I cant pretend to like someone. I think that he is more worried about himself than us kids.Which I know that we are old enough to take care of ourselves but I feel that we need to be together right now. I feel exactly as you have written. I received a text from my brother which stated that my dad had a heart attack and I needed to get to the hospital right away. Unfortunately, due to the selfishness of the woman concerned, my sister and I are the ones looking after my father. People I trust who Ive spoken to about this all say the same thing, to develop some kind of communication with the girlfriend. My brother has never been good at expressing his emotions, so it was especially heartbreaking to hear him express to me and my sisters that he felt abandoned. The bushes were drying out because they were too big and not getting enough water, when its been over 110 degrees here for many many days. Within weeks, my father took up with a mutual friend of theirs. We all are just about as happy as we make our mind up to be. He kept rattling on about being fair to heras if she were entitled to have me consider her my family. I hope that when the end comes I can finally move on. But I hope she comes out of it. My father met a woman (shes actually renting our old house) about a year and a half ago. I tried everything I could think of to resolve our conflict. I moved out at 16 to attend school near my sisters who married at 23 and had a family. I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. Its a lot to handle. after My parents had been married for 63 years. I was speechless. What the actualI have three cells (mine plus kids) and a landline and probably pay less than $200 - Canadian. In most of these cases the person inflicting the additional trauma is the parent who is flushed with joy at having found someone new and is not open to the fact that his emptiness has been filled while his family is still grieving.It seems they cannot wait to force the person on their family and present ultimatums for non-compliance. Her. Consider whether this is a kind and good person or whether you are grabbing a passing life raft. She wont let us help her do anything if it pertains to my dad including going into his bedroom. In fact, I caught him with tears in his eyes at one point and I couldnt help but wonder if he was thinking about my Mom that night. My dad and his girlfriend kinda wait for my granny to die, then he moves her right in after making me get rid of my dog who then also dies in his new home suddenly. Dear Erin, Im sorry that you havent been able to share your grief with your mother at a time when youre both reeling from this tremendous loss. I lost my wife Jan 12, 2012, June 9 is her birthday, I have 4 daughters, one the oldest accused me of wanting to throw her mother into the Forrest, which is the farthest from my mind, my wife (ashes)is here with me, I am having a terrible time dealing with these issues of my daughter not talking to me but being disturbed about throwing, I am no where near even thinking of a companion, Im still grieving and attending grieving classes at hospital where she died. Your children are there but they are not there. Press J to jump to the feed. I ran home with my friend several paces behind me to ask my father to help. I held her hand while she took her last few breaths. I, too, was very close to my mom. I felt so desperately sad and alone for so long, for all the reasons the previous posters have stated. Recently my sister was hoping to get some help from an organisation where people visited the elderly. I know it hasn't been a ton of time yet and obviously we are still going through the stages of grief, but I don't want my mom to just be completely miserable. They found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that she was near the end. No soon after my mom passed, my mothers 1st cousin started coming around. I'm so, so sorry for your loss- You sound like an incredible and caring family, and losing a member of that family must be really difficult for all of you. We moved slowly within the relationship as we were concerned about his grieving process and that I become comfortable with the process too. Your thing to do here is just be there for her. I still live at home (student loans, yay! We have both tried to move very slowly in terms of being around them. Just four months ago I watched as my 28 year old sister cried because my Dad wanted to spend time with his girlfriend instead of her. My struggle has always been how to care for someone who is so self-sufficient. This can feel like being in a state of shock or confusion surrounding the death of a parent. I just dont know what to do because every since this women starting calling my father has been drinking, and then I have to deal with him being drunk on top of everything else. Im dealing with this right now and still havent confronted my dad about how upset I am by all of this. keeping up with the royals Jan. 30, 2023. But an immature part of me hope he feels guilty for moving on from my Mum, who he adored. I havent even gotten to the worst part yetshe is currently caring for her terminally ill husband! Well, he decided that If he could not bring the friend then he would not attend the dinner so he was not at the family dinner. The worse she behaves and is allowed to behave by my father the more sorry he feels for her that she is disliked by so many from the shop assistants she abuses to both his and her families. My father-in-law never put in the kind of enthusiasm and energy into the original shop that he has with the second one. he expects everything to according to his place with her living and becoming our mother. and this is the reason these men get away with this there is a chance that you could just sit back and the situation will resolve itself, this relationship fails, he gets hurt, he learns his lesson, and never does it again. Shes a nice person, but takes everything personally. One thing I have learned, and that many of the above commenters have not yet accepted, is that I cannot predict how I will feel in the future. PRIOR TO MY MUM HAD DIED MY BROTHER MOVED IN AND MARRIED A PHILLPINE There is no way your father can get you to accept this by threatening you. left and never turned back, he took her to Florida for a month when he got back never contacted me and when he sees me he ignores me and snuggles her or holds her hand , like he is rubbing my face in it, siblings say get over it and let him be happy, I just cant, I am so hurt and he has also made comments to me THAT i FEEL WERE IN APPROPRIATE she has the womans touch, and you dont know how i lived very hurtful things anyone else having issues like this, I totally understand both of you. Not once did she admit any wrong doing or remorse for her callusness or for disrespecting my mothers memory. (Shallow of me I know.) Her children came with the package he is trying to have a relationship with her & she is bringing her kids along. You get to decide who to reach for to meet your ever-changing needs. And to top it all off my dad had a massive heart attack, essentially died, and was kept on life support for about a month before coming out of it pretty fine but with a greatly impacted heart which currently run at about 35%. Does that sound like someone else making a choice over which I had no control? I now know that he would make the same choices again as he proves on a daily basis. I feel like she is trying to isolate him and Im playing right into as I voice my opinions to him. I just want to thank everyone for their postings. That i dont respect that she doesnt like the shampoo i buy her or the hand soap. Again, the problem is that it happened too soon no time for him to grieve properly or me. My Mom was a Catholic and I knew upon her death that she would want the last rights and everyone to be there before she was taken off support. After a year my sister got a call begging her to pick him up immediately as basically she was kicking him out. She is needy and always in our face. He drives her everywhere even though she has a car sitting outside her door,THEY BOTH go visiting her family together,regularly together,yet its only dad alone that visits my family and sisters. The way they gravitate towards any woman friend or family memeber is deeply sad. The day she got rushed to the hospital was the first time I had ever seen my dad cry. Ugh. She also tried to tell me that her and my mom were friends yet I know my mom did not care for her, and if thats a friend who needs enemies. All those years of trying to cope because I didnt want him to be alone were wasted. Nice. My dad said he could come because he would have to bring his girlfriend. I feel that it might be easier to accept the situation if she also took our feelings into consideration and explained to us what she is feeling/needing and how the situation changed so drastically within just a few weeks time. I am finding myself angry with him and frustrated. I would never tear a family apart and act like the daughter on the outs must fix it, or cope or change so I could be involved with her dad. The doctors didnt know what was wrong and ran more tests. I LOST IT. And you children may not understand what we go thru. I thought you guys might want to hear from someone who happens to be the mans girlfriend. The year my dad was alone was the saddest Ive ever known- my sister and I took turns visiting him every weekend with our children, and called him every day. She asked me and my fianc if we would come stay and help her out. I have struggled with the news of this now fianc for about a month now. To Mel from June 2016, that is horrible! Save me the details.. He wants to include her in all of our family gatherings and has told me that he expects me to become friends with her. My dad now has a girlfriend. We loved our spouses with all of our hearts, we dedicated our life to them and to the children. Trust me though, if something happens to her, hell come running back looking for his family to support him again and then the ball will be in your court. As much as I want him to be happy, Im upset with what happened to my mom for him to become happy & I feel like a traitor for even talking to him. All should be over by thenleave him alone or he will get sickKIDS! If anyone wants to talk who is going through or has been through the same thing email me la49013p@pace.edu. My dad died 18 months ago and Mum has just joined a dating agency. We all want that. My mom passed away in October of 2010 after a six-month battle with lung cancer. ( I understand that there are some exceptions and some times this will impossible to accomplish) Well, I overextended myself. I see it like this. They, and the rest of the family, are appalled at me. It was two years before my mom really started to be like normal again and another year after that before she really started to seem like she was in charge of her own destiny again. He told my sister not to even make eye contact or speak to her. What you are going through is understandably painful and confusing to you right now. After reading some of your posts, maybe I should just let him go on with his life and let him go.or pretend I will get on with the program and be polite when I meet her and leave it at that. I love him so much, and no, I dont want him to be alone the rest of his life, but my mom deserves so much more than this. I am expected to meet her and spend time with her, and when I do not, I become the outcast. We spend a lot of time talking about mom, as well. Sometimes it is very hard to be upbeat when you feel such dispair but give it your best shot.